Postscript: Man on Fire (2004)

One of these two is an alcoholic mercenary in need of the kind of redemption that can be only be delivered at the hands of an innocent child. (Hint: It’s not Dakota Fanning.)

I didn’t set out to watch three movies about kidnapped children in a row, but for whatever reason, it worked out that way. After High and Low and Changeling, however, Man on Fire comes at the viewer like a flying mallet.

This shouldn’t surprise anyone, since the director is Tony Scott, the director of Top Gun, The Rock, et al. You know what you’re signing up for, which is typically a film asĀ  a subtle as the WWF.

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You Can’t Stop The Music, You Can Only Hope The Cable Goes Out

My digital cable already costs more than $100 a month thanks to the Extra Innings MLB package. So I can’t splurge for one of those fancy movie packages that, for instance, Red Roof Inn can. So no HBO or Showtime for me. Hell, I can’t even afford The Movie Channel or Starz! (The exclamation point is theirs, not mine.)

So what am I stuck with? That would be Encore and FLIX. I mean, where else can you watch repeated showings of Running Scared with Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines as tough Chicago cops or Jaws 4 (“This time it’s personal!”).

But FLIX hit a new low point this weekend with the airing of 1980’s Can’t Stop The Music. Long considered one of the worst movies ever made, I’ve somehow managed to avoid during the entire course of my adult life.

And yet, Saturday, even with my beloved Cleveland Indians playing the New York Yankees on FOX, I found myself repeatedly switching back and forth between the movie and the game.

If you aren’t familiar with the movie, and frankly, why would you be, it stars those l970s Disco Warriors, the Village People, in their first and last screen performance.

But that’s not even doing the movie justice, if that really is the word. (I wouldn’t blame justice if it wanted nothing to do with this.)

It’s the movie with former Olympic gold medalist Bruce Jenner playing an uptight tax lawyer.

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